wow, this ones real good:

I was about 14 years old playing guitar in a crappy band with a bunch of delinquint 20-25 year olds and i had decided it a good idea one day to masterbate using shampoo. I wasn't quite as wise to the jerking off ways that i am now, and didnt realize how important completely rinsing this makeshift lube off was. So in a day i had what i could only refer to as "Athletes Dick". Dry, flaking, itching skin along my shaft.

Being young and nervous i asked my other guitar player, 23 years old, and a chronic masterbator (holds the record for most times in a row, as far as i know, i believe he claimed 16 while watching a clockwork orange) for some advice. He gave me some that included just running fingers along the sides to get rid of excess skin, and then moisturizing for a couple days. Seems that he had in fact encountered just such a problem in the past. I of course asked him to keep it on the DL if you will. He didnt. When i showed up to the next practice the band had already written a song about me called flakes. I couldn't shake the name it lasted about 6 months.

THE SETTING: My mediocre-at-best band "Cataleptic Episode" was in the WBCN battle of something or other, and we did well. So we recieved the "HONOR" of playing with the J. Gyles (sp?) band. (ya know, the angel in the centerfold band) at a family gathering in maynard ma. It was at a park on a huge stage. (still probably the biggest i have played on, sadly enough). There were about 2000 people in attendance, big big family event with moonwalks, raffles, games, food tents, everything. big summer bash. My family-mom, dad, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents... and friends of all of the above were in attendance to see the 14 year old open for a signed major label act.


THE DELIVERY: My singer, a mister Ray hayward of walpole (19 at the time) introduced the whole band, and when he got to me, he actually said and on guitar, FLAKES THE LITTLE DIPPER!! Of course no one got it, which he expected so he continued.... "you see the reason we call him that is because he decided one day that his hand wasnt enough....

He explains from beggining to end, the whole damn story, even how i got rid of it, as i heard gasps from all 2000 people and mothers covering their childrens ears, and fathers trying to pull their daughters out of the vicinity of his voice, he said it all. I stared out into the faces of little kids and grandparents, and made eye contact with my father, and then the gasps turned to riotous laughter.....

i'm an embarrassment every time i hit the stage.

intergalactic champion

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I thought i was the only one! this happened to my balls when i was in 8th grade. fucking sucked, i could barely walk.

also i hope you beat the shit out of that guy afterwards.

IWEIPH played an all ages fest in Fairhaven. My cock was out the whole time.

i was in a band called fairhaven.

unfortunately, i was a kid, seriously 14 years old, so beating him up wasnt gonna happen.... i did trash some gear though...

I knew this would get a chuckle or two. I can't help but laugh at it now, it's fucking hilarious. Although it did suck at the time.

Archaeon: Yeah, fucking lame condition huh? did you call it athletes dick too?

i want to point out, that anyone who knew fairhaven would know just being in that band was an embarrasing time on stage. WOW we were bad.

Got entirely waay to drunk at the weymouth / dominatus garage show and train wrecked the whole last song of the set.

I had one of those moments where I could not remember where I was, what I was playing, or what I was doing...that is until I looked over toward Blue and his facial expressions of "friendly disapproval."

Now before certain shows i get the, "just remember to pace yourself."

I didn't know there was a name for it. I had to go through a whole day of school with that shit. Terrible time. When i got home i put like one of those jumbo sized band-aids over my balls

haha, i get that with weed sometimes when i fill in for softer bands. Like "jim just because it's not metal you dont have to get super baked RIGHT before we play do you?" .....yes, yes i do.

I was playing the met cafe with some other bands (I think bury your dead was playing) and like Rich horror, my dick was out. I didn't realize until about half of the set was over. I thought something felt off but I just thought it was my bass hitting me and what not. I noticed and then understood some of the strange looks I was getting. Uhg.

in my high school band (anyone remember peanut butter n anarchy? god i'm old) during a show I was wearing those black converse chuck shoes and these things have no arch support whatsoever, and I have mad high arches. I jumped or something and landed the wrong way, and it just felt like the arch in my foot broke. That's not what really happened but my foot just massively cramped instantly and I had to stand on one foot flamingo-style for the rest of the show. I don't think I fell over but damn it was a mixture of pain and shame.

Not quite as good as Flakes the Little Dipper though.

oh and not too long ago I played 2 shows in one day. Second one was with suicide silence, nights like these, all shall perish, and a few others. I managed to split my shorts from my knee to my balls while doing a chop. Looked like I was wearing a kilt by the time I was done so I had to go in my car and get changed. It was not really embarrising so I didn;'t mention it but I guess that counts too.

filling in on drums for Adolf Satan at Bills Bar with Anal Cunt and InDire Need. Tom was filling in for Josh, who was in jail, broke his low E string on the very first note. Nick was turned up to 11 which made his Ampeg shut down and i couldn't hear anything. I'm sure we sounded awful.

playing with Cryptic Warning was always embarrasing too

My drum teacher played a gig and halfway through a song he felt something slam him in the forehead and he started bleeding, and when he looked out into the front row, this girl was laughing.

He finished the song and stood up right at the end and threw a stick at her face. He hit her directly and she ran into the bathroom.

A few minutes later (from the way he told it no one really noticed all of this occurring) the sound tech came up and told him to fix his tom mic. It seems the tom mic had shot up off the tom during a roll and hit him...ie. the girl was innocent.

Priceless.

i feel embarrassed for everyone in the room when i play

every time i forget lyrics onstage. my most embarassing moment was probably when i was drunk/medicated onstage back when i sang and played bass for the band. i was forgetting basslines and lyrics. it sucked. not really a funny story, just pathetic.

Not too crazy compared to the first story...but drinking
3 redbulls before a show...and then in the middle of the
first song projectile vomiting purple through my nose
and mouth on a bunch of dudes in the front row.
oh yeah...and stepping in a puddle at a backyard show
after a rainstorm and literally getting pinned to the ground
by the current of ungrounded wires yelling "I'm being electroooooooooooocuted!" while everyone laughed and
pumped their fists thinking it was part of the "show".
good times.

moderation is for fags

HAH!! I've definitely experienced that. Also a certain venue in NY had terrible electricity and every note gave me a small shock to the tip of my fingers. Doesn't seem too terrible at first but after a good 10 or 15 minutes of it my whole hand was pretty much fully numb and i had no idea what my fingers were doing any more.

I guess the vocalist of one of the other bands playing that night was having problems with getting shocked in the lips by the microphone.

less moderation more dicks!

and then... something embarrassing happened?

I play in a bathrobe... if I had a nickel for every time my balls and or dick popped out of my boxers... Id be able to buy a small coffee... let your fellahs fly you buncha nancies

i had bronchitis and played a show.

when i was headbanging a huge load of snot whipped out of my nose and all into my hair. it was freakin' sweet.

Oh and the time I forgot the words/order to Maggots in Your Coffin when I tried to sing it with Dissector.

7 years old with a giant tie from my dad. I think my name was dick too.

My first band Enemy Legion played their first [and only] show and it was a joke. Looking back on it, I was 15 and at the time I thought we were damn good, but yea, we weren't haha. I have a video to prove it:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=wBbSA3kGSJY

I get a good "oh those were the days" chuckle from it.

So i was dating this girl, and told her about the story that started this thread and she said she had something just as embarrassing, although not technicall on a stage, it mine as well have been. She was on her eight grade field trip to washington DC on the plane to go there, when she realized she was getting her period.. (always the begining to a funny story)
...so she went into the bathroom to "freshen up" aka: put in a tampon. So in the middle of putting in the tampon, which i guess is not easy in an airplane bathroom, the plane goes through some bad-ass turbulance. She looses balance falls over knocking the door to the bathroom open, she rolls out knocking over the drink cart and landing on her head with her feet up in the air, with the whole airplane looking at her ass sticking in the air with a tampon sticking out from underneath.

FAIL

March 25th (?), 2005.
Band: Abaroth
Place: Dee Dees Lounge
Embarrassing Moment:
We decided to bring an industrial fog machine into DeeDee's lounge and let it go off. The machine was pointing right in my face and I ended up messing up a bunch of times because of this; I couldn't see where I was on guitar (or even feel it for that matter) and I was so startled by it. It was tough to breathe for a moment too.
It was fun, regardless.

haha, I remember that IDN, A.C. and Adolf Satan show!

We did a weekend with Swear to God a while back. They didn't really have a singer at the time, so a couple different dudes filled in along the way. I volunteered to sing this Bulldoze cover in Pittsburgh because the kid singing that night didn't know it. The next night I volunteered for what I thought was the cover again. They ended up playing a newer song of their own that I didn't know and I stood there while a bunch of little kids schooled me like the doofus that I was.

One time my band Wretched Asylum did a huuuuge gig at some kedhs barmitsfor. I was totally rocking out so hard my facepaint was melting, and was totally about to score with some chubby goth chick in the front when I turned around and my drummer wuz LICKING HIS CYMBALS.

Geez, how embarrasing for him, eh?

band: panzerbastard
venue: o'briens
stardate: 20578666

our set was going moderately ok until we closed with our cover of "iron fist".
as usual keith was bantering about how, "if you don't know this next one, you don't deserve to be here", or something like that. anyhow, apparently i was the one who didnt deserve to be there as i botched the end of the song, ending it after the first guitar lead rather than the second. then i tried to commit seppuku with my broken pint glass

Ripping the hell out of the crotch in my leather pants on stage in California in front of a Palladium sized audience. Couldn't quite tell at the time how much damage I did , so I just didn't move the rest of the show.

My friend shit his pants during our set at cabot st in 2005. It was hilarious for me, but im sure he was pretty embarrassed

One time my exploding saw blade codpiece caught on fire. 20 years later VH1 had a field day with it. LOL.

there is always that show we played together at the art space. Not that you did anything wrong, but just being in that place was embarrassing!

I almost fell off the New Wave stage stairs once. That was awesome. Thanks, Jack Daniels.

Chris lost me really bad at The Bullpen on one of his warp-speed drumming moments and it took me forever to figure out where the hell we were. All this while a row of schmucky xcorex kids stood three feet in front of me with their arms folded looking smug. I made sure to remedy my embarassment later by "accidentally" slamming into one of them with a cup full of beer.

And then there was the show in New Jersey where everyone hated us almost as much as I hated them.

Good times.

mine was the other night when my band launched in to a ripping cover of my michelle and i came in about a minute too early... there was no fixing what i had destroyed) but i made them restart it and killed it.

before that it was getting a bloody nose in the middle of a song which right when it happened i thought was embarassing then all the blood ran down my arm and i everyone thought i gg allen'd the mic and busted my lip open.

awesome, that girl is now prepared for a wifehood of getting beat up whenever something goes wrong in her husbands life.

I filled in for my friend's pop punk band on bass for 3 weeks.

That's bad enough compared to all the other stupid shit I've done on stage in my life.

Many year ago, I was in a cover band. That vocalist was such an idiot that he was singing the words to "Seek and Destroy" when the rest of the band was playing "the 4 Horsemen."

Fail.